How to Survive Valentine's Day When You're Newly Single

Feb 10 | Written by David Bowers

Valentine's Day when you're single isn't just annoying. It's targeted harassment. The red aisles at CVS starting in January. The "what are you doing for Valentine's?" question at work. The constant reminder that everyone else figured out how to be loved and you're here alone eating leftover Chinese food for the third night in a row.

If you're newly single—like the breakup still stings when you think about it, which is constantly—the holiday gets worse. You're not some unbothered single person living your best life. You're grieving. And now the entire culture wants to rub romance in your face for two straight weeks.

Some folks who are navigating divorce or fresh breakups describe Valentine's Day like walking through a minefield. Couples holding hands everywhere. Heart-shaped everything. That dinner reservation you forgot you made six months ago when you were still together and thought you'd be together forever.

This isn't about being unable to handle a commercial holiday. Grief doesn't care about rationality. When you've lost someone—through breakup, divorce, death—Valentine's Day tends to amplify that absence. The hole where they used to be gets louder when everyone else is celebrating presence.

The Specific Texture of New Loneliness

Loneliness after a relationship isn't regular loneliness. It's not "I wish I had someone to talk to." It's "I had a person who knew how I take my coffee and what I sound like when I'm trying not to cry and now there's a person-shaped absence in my life that nothing else fits into correctly."

Valentine's Day makes that absence impossible to ignore. Your phone used to buzz with their texts. Now it's silent. Your coupled friends are making plans that don't include you. The day stretches out empty and you can't figure out how to fill it without thinking about how you used to fill it, which was with them.

You'll think about texting them. Don't. (More on that in a second.)

Things That Will Make Everything Worse

Avoid contacting your ex. Not to see how they're doing. Not because you're drunk and feeling sentimental. Not to wish them a happy Valentine's Day like you're mature adults who can be friends now. You're two people who recently lost something that mattered, and reaching out on Valentine's Day will only pick at the wound. If they respond, you'll spend  hours analyzing their tone. If they don't, you'll spiral wondering why. Both outcomes stink.

Maybe don't go on a Valentine's date just to avoid being alone. Dating when you're still grieving is like trying to build furniture on a foundation that's actively sinking. The new person can't fix what's broken inside you, and you'll make them feel like a placeholder. Which they are. That's not fair to either of you.

Don't spend the day scrolling social media looking at other people's perfect moments. Every happy couple photo will feel like evidence that everyone else figured out love except you. Log off. Delete the apps for the day if you need to. This is self-harm disguised as curiosity.

What Might Get You Through

There's no way to make Valentine's Day feel good when you're newly single. The goal isn't happiness. The goal is survival. Getting through February 14th without making your situation worse.

Acknowledge that it hurts. Don't try to logic away the sadness. "It's just a made-up holiday" doesn't help when your entire body is screaming that you miss someone. Feel it. Cry if you need to. The grief is real even if the holiday is manufactured garbage.

Make a plan that keeps you occupied. Not "treat yourself!" like the internet always chirps. Just occupied. Work a long shift. Clean out your closet. Go to a movie alone. Visit a friend who's also single and won't try to cheer you up. The plan doesn't need to be enjoyable. It needs to prevent you from sitting home staring at your phone wondering if they're thinking about you. (They're probably not. Sorry.)

Get angry if that helps more than sad. Valentine's Day is pretty absurd when you step back. The pressure to perform. The spending. The idea that love can be measured by how much someone spent on dinner. Anger has energy. Sadness just sits there heavy. Use the anger.

Talk to someone who won't try to fix you. Not someone who'll say "plenty of fish in the sea" or "everything happens for a reason." Someone who'll let you say "this is terrible" and just nod. A therapist. A friend who's been through divorce. Anyone who understands that grief doesn't respond to platitudes.

The therapists at LifeWrx work with people navigating breakups and loss. One thing we tell clients: Valentine's Day is one day. It feels enormous when you're in it but it ends. February 15th arrives, the cultural pressure stops, and you can breathe again. You can get through one day. If you’re ready to talk with a professional, please reach out to us and make an appointment to talk to someone who might be able to help you navigate loss and life transitions.

If the Loneliness Feels Dangerous

Sometimes it's not just uncomfortable. Sometimes it's too much. If you're having thoughts about hurting yourself, if the grief feels unbearable, if you can't see a way forward—call 911 or visit any hosptal’s emergency room.  

Breakups rewire your brain. Divorce is trauma. The person you thought would be there isn't there anymore and your nervous system doesn't understand why. None of this means you're weak or broken. It means you're human and you lost something that mattered.

The Uncomfortable Truth

Valentine's Day when you're newly single is going to hurt. Next year might hurt less. The year after that you might barely notice. Or maybe you'll be with someone new and the holiday will feel different. Or maybe you'll still be single but you'll have learned how to be okay with that, how to not measure your worth by whether someone buys you roses.

You don't know yet. The uncertainty is part of what makes right now so hard.

But you survived the breakup. You're surviving the aftermath. You can survive February 14th. And then it'll be the 15th and the chocolate will be on sale and the pressure will lift and you can keep going.